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@Montreal

难啊。我见过他这样的男人，也见过你这样的女人。事实上，这样的男人女人有很多，只是你们两个人可能有点极端。他竟然连面工都要由你陪着，可见对你有多依赖。还有，学不好英语可能跟年龄等因素有关。如果我是你的话：

rollor(Rollor)
首先，如果你劳工对做饭看孩子感兴趣，不如就把他养起来。（不过，他比你大十岁，不容易）

否则，你可以：

1、暂停跟劳工谈前途问题，也不管他如何找工，一心一意进行自己的学习。

2、清理一下自己的头绪，想想跟劳工的谈话中，他倾向于做什么工作。注意：不是你逼他讨论前途时他说的那些话。

3、留意一下或从侧面打听一下，他每天都干些什么？是不是整天沉湎于游戏、上ROLIA等。

4、跟他的朋友谈谈，也许他们能给你一些建议。

5、几天之后，重新审视自己的考察结果和思路，在做决定。

注意，你的老公有他的想法，但不会对你都说出来。他怕你瞧不起他，怕你骂他。其实，他也有很多优点，只是怎么适应加拿大生活，需要一个过程。
(#74713@0)
Last Updated: 2001-5-18
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下拾英 / 心情随笔 / 我很痛苦，只想劳工自己养活自己，真的这麽难吗？ -guest:; 2001-5-17 (#74188@0)
    • Yes. Before I got my job, my wife had the same feeling. Give him some time and your support, please. -rollor(Rollor); 2001-5-17 (#74190@0)
      • 我的支持已经超过了4年,(包括来加前)我们来加已经半年,如果找不到工作,我会毫无怨言,但是每份工作都不超过5天,每次如此,难道我的就不辛苦吗? -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 (#74206@0)
        • 什么工作，什么原因干不了5天？ -guest:; 2001-5-18 (#74220@0)
          • 对.慢慢说, 别着急. -rollor(Rollor); 2001-5-18 (#74221@0)
            • 我的故事 -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 {1585} (#74292@0)
              本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛我今年已经30岁了我有一个大我10年的劳工.我们已经结婚10年了.有一个8岁的男孩.
              在外人看来,我真的很不错.
              我生在中国的广州,所以相对来说比较独立.我很努力的工作,并很快的获得了不错的回报,老实说,我的经济上没有什麽困难.
              我劳工在一间国营的公司上班,其实公司的效益一直不错的但是1997年,公司解体,下岗了,我本来想因为结婚以来,我基本上没有用他的钱,应该有些老本,但是,他没有.
              一个在单位养尊处忧的人,没有什麽专业知识.我也知道很难找到一份好的工作,而我的工作有完全可以支付,所以,我就没有什麽.
              移民一直是我劳工的心愿,虽然我万份不愿意,但想想孩子.想想他的诺言(他说,到加后就努力工作,让我读书.过我想过的生活)我答应了.
              我在1998年以企业家的身份申请移民.因为我有外资的管理经验,并有来加开办企业的资金,所以,很快的获得LP.
              来加后,我们一起上学,并买了一间HOUSE.学了3个月.我的英文有了很大的进步,但我发觉,我先生的没有一丝一毫的进步,简单的会话,甚至问路.都有困难.
              我想既然没有心机学习,不如直接找工作,因为他没有什麽专长,所以,只能找一些体力的工作.
              6个月来,我陪他找了不下20份的工作.每份工作不会超过5天,有的甚至只做1天,每次不是扭了手,就是烫了手,要不就是有其他的.开始,我也会很心疼,但每次如此.我已经没有了耐性.
              我一直是这样认为的,一直以来
              我很认真的学习英文,因为我认为这是我要这里存的基本条件.我很努力工作,因为我认为我的家人需要我如此.
              假如我的先生有这样的想法,我不介意他在此在读几年的书,因为我能看到前途,但是他没有兴趣,
              假如我的先生想实现他的诺言,我想他会努力的工作,不需要我总为他操心.
              可能我完全没有女强人的特质,所以我厌倦了做家里的支柱.我希望有依靠别人的一天,或着没有人依靠我.
              10年,我已厌倦了这种生活.
              现在,不是在经济上的,更大的是在精神上的,我真的很痛苦.
              或许你并不能体会,我实在没有办法写下去了更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
              • 对你深表同情，对于这种老公，我觉得，还是。。。分手比较好 -guest:; 2001-5-18 (#74296@0)
              • 1, MAN should run the family; 2. make a realistic goal for him, what was HIS goal for immi? -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 (#74301@0)
                • he said in china can't see any hope.want to change in another place.the another reason is for my son. -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 (#74337@0)
                  • nothing wrong with that, BUT, after landing, and after seeing everything surrounded, -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 {313} (#74353@0)
                    you2 ofcourse, expecially HE, should adjust toward the new change. what he has promised in china possibly is not realistic any longer, he MUST change,

                    no one can zuo chi shan kong, i think you2 need a very frank talk and arrangement, ur hubby need to work hard---at least do all housework at home. good luck
              • 可以理解你,也可以理解你劳工.我觉得你比你劳工强,所以他也就有依赖思想,如果你把他推上领导岗位,凡事让他出头,或许可以唤醒他的责任,变被动为自觉,最好是分开,但是对夫妻感情又不好.40岁的男人也不容易,我想他也不想这样.忍不是办法,多交流一下吧. -gg996(gg); 2001-5-18 (#74303@0)
              • My sympathy to you ... -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-18 {313} (#74466@0)
                I am from GZ too. Is your husband from GZ? What a jerk. If he were my brother in law I am going beat him up. Believe me, I understand how you feel because I have a little sister. However, a 40-year-old man is hard to change. I agree with gg's post. You need to sit back and "relax", push him to the front line.
                • 你的妹妹也是相同情况吗?她怎麽办? -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 (#75235@0)
                  • No, not the same case. But she had a boyfriend who looked like a jerk. They eventually broke up because of me and my sis is still single to this day. Sometimes I feel guilty, and promise myself not to intervene any more. -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-21 (#77127@0)
              • 我见过有的夫妇, 男的尝试过在加拿大工作, 不成功. 但他们有一些小钱, 后来开了一个杂货铺, 女的继续出去工作, 男的很安心地在家看铺子, 照顾孩子. 收入也还稳定. -albxu(Yukon); 2001-5-18 (#74702@0)
                • 这主意不错。 -rollor(Rollor); 2001-5-18 (#74738@0)
                • thanks ! i will think about it! -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 (#75267@0)
                • Mrs Guess, if you are really interested in this idea you may want to think about moving to Montreal, the French city. I have lived in both Toronto and Montreal. -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-21 {2066} (#77169@0)
                  本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Toronto is more like a typical Noth American city. Everything is controlled by the corporations. If you look around Toronto you don't find many mom-and-pop shops. People shop in big chains like Wal-Mart. But things are quite different in Montreal. Montreal is very much like a European city. It has well functioning subways and bus lines. People don't need a car for their everyday life. The result is that there are many local corner stores surviving in Montreal. About 80% of the population in Montreal are French. In my opinion, they are more friendlier than the English people. I don't know much about the English population, but for the French, they enjoy an easy life style, which means they like to drink coffee, beer and wine and such. These consumers don't usually have a car. They just visit the coner store and buy whatever they need from these small shops. That's why running a small grocery store is more profitable in Montreal.

                  I am an IT guy and I have no interest in running business like this. The above analysis is based on my travelling experience and observation, and on the information from a friend of mine. He is a guy from GZ, about 26 years old maybe, graduated from Foreign Language Institute of GZ, majoring in French. That's why he went to Montreal. He was once very close to taking over such a store. The total initial investment was about 30 or 40 thousand Canadian dollars (I am not exactly sure about that). The deal includes all the inventory. He didn't take on it because his partner backed off at the last minute. But he also told me that competition is getting tougher and tougher recently because of the inflow of new immigrants.

                  I can give you more detailed info if you need it. Just post here on this BBS board and I would check it. But please keep in mind that I have no personal or business interest in any of these deals. I can't endorse anyone or any business at the moment.

                  To save time, I wrote this message in English. Hope I put it clear as it is.

                  Cheer up! My best wishes to you and your family.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
                  • 飘,真是多谢你.现在我在广州,满地可是一个漂亮的地方,我对他也有一些认识,因我本来申请的是魁北克移民,所以,也有个大概的认识,但可能,现阶段,我会先不考虑,因,刚对TORONTO有DD熟悉,我并不想做太快的转变. 你的帖子,给我一种很亲切的感觉.谢谢你. -guest:guest; 2001-5-22 (#78018@0)
                    • I thought you were in Toronto. Anyway, I am happy you find my posts helpful and as usual wish you the very best. Enjoy the delicious dim-sum in GZ. -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-22 (#78043@0)
                      • thanks.do you mind give me you e-mail address?if possible post here.thanks. -guest:guest; 2001-5-22 (#78284@0)
                        • I create a temp email account as gonewiththewind2001@excite.com But I don't check it very oftenly. There could be some delay. Take care. -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-23 (#78747@0)
                        • Sorry, the email address should be: gonewiththewind20001@excite.com A typo, bad mood today. -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-23 (#78804@0)
              • 难啊。我见过他这样的男人，也见过你这样的女人。事实上，这样的男人女人有很多，只是你们两个人可能有点极端。他竟然连面工都要由你陪着，可见对你有多依赖。还有，学不好英语可能跟年龄等因素有关。如果我是你的话： -rollor(Rollor); 2001-5-18 {604} (#74713@0)
                首先，如果你劳工对做饭看孩子感兴趣，不如就把他养起来。（不过，他比你大十岁，不容易）

                否则，你可以：

                1、暂停跟劳工谈前途问题，也不管他如何找工，一心一意进行自己的学习。

                2、清理一下自己的头绪，想想跟劳工的谈话中，他倾向于做什么工作。注意：不是你逼他讨论前途时他说的那些话。

                3、留意一下或从侧面打听一下，他每天都干些什么？是不是整天沉湎于游戏、上ROLIA等。

                4、跟他的朋友谈谈，也许他们能给你一些建议。

                5、几天之后，重新审视自己的考察结果和思路，在做决定。

                注意，你的老公有他的想法，但不会对你都说出来。他怕你瞧不起他，怕你骂他。其实，他也有很多优点，只是怎么适应加拿大生活，需要一个过程。
                • Rollor is always a good listener and good friend to talk with. -bloor(不算太老); 2001-5-18 (#74743@0)
                  • Agree -pasu(InTheSky); 2001-5-18 (#74851@0)
              • 哎,早知今日,何必当初. -cctvtom(浪翻云); 2001-5-18 (#74717@0)
              • 早离早好,让他去YONGE街要饭去! -judy_an(judy); 2001-5-18 (#74824@0)
              • 说句实在话：你太天真了，俗话说：狗改不了吃屎！好习惯是养成的（难），坏习惯是学来的（易） -guest:农夫; 2001-5-18 (#74862@0)
              • 炒老公鱿鱼，他不想养活都难了。 -bbq(烧烤酱); 2001-5-18 (#75084@0)
              • 离 -ted(finger); 2001-5-24 (#79854@0)
    • 我很瘦，但是不怕吃苦。要是找不到工作，有没有适合的劳工？ -dongwil(金字塔); 2001-5-18 (#74227@0)
      • 你想做替补？ -guest:; 2001-5-18 (#74255@0)
        • 他（她）没搞明白“劳工”的意思。 -iamfish(笨笨鱼); 2001-5-18 (#74362@0)
          • 劳工是什么意思？ -dongwil(金字塔); 2001-5-18 (#74396@0)
            • 可怜... 告诉你吧！劳工=老公 ... 你得明白？ -maladuona(马拉多纳); 2001-5-18 (#74406@0)
              • HA HA HA HA HA..........Why post a brannigan between coulple here? -dongwil(金字塔); 2001-5-18 (#74470@0)
              • By the way, can you explain me what is FB all you often mention? -dongwil(金字塔); 2001-5-18 (#74471@0)
                • FB=腐败=相互扶助，永不言败！！！ -maladuona(马拉多纳); 2001-5-18 (#74496@0)
                  • Fabulous -bloor(不算太老); 2001-5-18 (#74699@0)
                  • Thank you!! -dongwil(金字塔); 2001-5-18 (#74732@0)
                  • Wonderful!!! -pasu(InTheSky); 2001-5-18 (#74815@0)
    • 跟他说你想分手,看他怎么办? 不过不是真要分手,只是逼逼他. -mmyong(花落满途); 2001-5-18 (#74844@0)
      • 宁教人打仔，莫教人分妻阿！善哉善哉。GUEST夫人，再给点耐性，千年修得同枕眠嘛。况且还有您的儿子呢。祝福您！ -zurg(zurg); 2001-5-18 (#74871@0)
    • you're only 30, still very young. -guest:and everything else; 2001-5-18 {576} (#74857@0)
      are you pretty? unfortunate, you've given away your best 10 years to the jerk husband of yours. my empathy to you. while you need to give him some lessons, keep any eye on the outside. hopefully, you can find someone else, who is really caring. too bad that you married at such a young age. you've a 8-year-old child already. to be honest, that makes it much more difficult finding a new partner. however, nowadays there are many indepent sigle moms. they are strong and happy. Get rid of the loser, and relieve yourself from the burden and pain.
      be happy! ^_* Good at sex
      • 这叫什么意见呀？每个人生活方式不同，20岁结婚22岁生孩子很正常，很幸福。任何家庭，结婚几年之后，夫妻间都会产生很多矛盾。说句不好听的，男人玩女人有玩腻的时候，女人看男人也有看烦的一天。要正确处理夫妻矛盾，而不能一不耐烦就离婚。 -rollor(Rollor); 2001-5-18 (#74885@0)
        • 20岁结婚22岁生孩子很正常? not many in this day and age...，很幸福? I doubt after I read the story. ^_* Good at sex -guest:and everything else; 2001-5-18 (#74891@0)
          • 真的不太幸福.20岁的我完全没有任何的考虑.假如可以重新来过.我会考虑晚婚.我周围有很多同学,同事.还没有结婚,甚至不考虑结婚.过者我想过的生活.我真的很羡慕.但只能羡慕而已.我有我至爱的儿子.我要给他一个完整的家. -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 (#75264@0)
        • 离婚的念头我不是没有想过.结婚以来.我一直有进修,想法不断有所改变,而他一直如此,没有多大的变化,我们的处事方法,做人的目标有了越来越大的分歧.经济的原因一直不是我认为的主要原因.(这是来加前) -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 {834} (#75234@0)
          来加后,我发觉.以我的水平想要在这里找一份我在国内的年薪真的是没有可能.我并不是IT专业,我在国内是专长零售业.销售及批发.这里的零售业远远没有广州的发达.而我的英文水平远远没办法达到销售的水平.
          我只能在华人的公司当小文员或工厂女工.我不介意,但是收入远远不能维持家里的开销.因要供车,共楼.(虽然我还没有工作过.我一直在读书)
          我很明白坐吃山空的道理.所以我对他有了一点经济上的要求.希望他能负担家里一半的开销,那怕是他自己.(这是10年来我完全没有提出过的)
          因为6个月了,他真的很令我失望,他加起来没有工作过1个月.但他给我的感觉也一点也不好过.假如他是有种种的陋习.或许我就真的下定决心了.但是除了不会.....
          我发觉,又要靠自己了.那种感觉真的很凄凉.
          昨天是我先生又是工作了一天就回来的日子.这次又扭到了手........................
          我已经决定接纳ROLLOR 的建议.别管他,专心我的学业.
          想想我的理想生活.我会努力的.
          顺便说一句,我可是入得厨房,出得厅堂.....
          • sigh!, zhen shi nan wei ni! looks like he is not purely a hao-yi-wu-lao type, just too clumsy, :-) an you appear to be a good wife; -guest:guest; 2001-5-18 {325} (#75251@0)
            maybe he is really not used to this style, that you focus on your study is one thing, but to push him (even harder) is necessary too. i maintain that as a husband, to shoulder the family support is one's resposibility, i place no blame on him, but it is indisputable too that he needs to work very hard.

            salute to you
          • 在国营企业工作这么长时间的人，如果再没有过硬的专业水平，来加等于提早进入坟墓。。 -barbecue(bar); 2001-5-18 {182} (#75289@0)
            这里没有救世主。所有的事情只有靠自己，每个人都为生计而奋斗。只有不懈地努力，才会有所收获。生命是短暂的，珍惜每一天的快乐，独立地生活，每个人只为自己的行为负责。希望能读懂我的言外之意
          • 真的很同情你。这样的丈夫要他干吗？废物一个！抄掉他算了！ -guest:XX; 2001-5-18 (#75353@0)
          • 家庭是夫妻双方都要为之付出的，即使你出得厅堂入得厨房，但是都要让他承担一些家里的事务，不出去工作就把家务都承担起来也是一个选择。劳工不是一个摆设，你放在那里不理他不能解决问题。 -mai_mai(麦麦); 2001-5-18 (#75384@0)
          • 我自己阅历尚浅，想不出什么好计，但觉得Rollor等朋友的建议非常实在。希望你以 后心烦的时候常来这里，不要一个人自己闷着。 -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-21 (#77144@0)
    • Try to be patient with your husband.Your husband need your help especially in hard time -wendywendy(wind); 2001-5-18 (#74955@0)
    • View it with plain heart,that is,as if you are a single now! By the way, what is your job now? -bluemoon(bluemoon); 2001-5-18 (#74986@0)
    • 看来你们是有一定的钱（刚来就买房子），我的建议是再买一个house，做移民旅馆。让你的劳工去坐坐管理工作。正好发挥特长。还可以干干移民接送什么的。40岁的男人，要改变不容易。尤其是舒服惯了。 -macsym(日进斗斤); 2001-5-18 (#75366@0)
      • This sounds like a good idea. My suggestion is not to buy another house NOW. You already have a house,right? Use it as a little hotel and see how the business goes. Buying another house is big big financial burden. What if things go wrong? -gwtw(飘); 2001-5-21 (#77138@0)
    • 心平气静，换个角度想想。退一步海阔天空。珍稀两人的缘分。 -liubell(Bill); 2001-5-22 (#78055@0)

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