本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK - 2004
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your pay. If we
see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you
dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may
buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be
and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled late in the
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict
3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and
a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be
posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"
Category.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they
can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
THE MANAGEMENT更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your pay. If we
see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you
dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may
buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be
and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled late in the
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict
3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and
a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be
posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"
Category.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they
can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
THE MANAGEMENT更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net